Coping Mechanisms for Grief and Loss

by Nina

Out of the Dark Woods by Marie Lossky (@Marie.Lossky on Instagram)

Last Thursday when I was talking with Bonnie Maeda (see The Way Home: Yoga for Grief) about grief and yoga for grief, she mentioned something that really intrigued me. She said that she believed it was very important for people to become aware of their coping mechanisms. That way, if what they are doing is something unhealthy or unhelpful, they can consciously choose another way to help themselves move through their grief. Some examples of unhealthy coping mechanisms might be using alcohol, drugs, or food to numb the pain or lashing out in anger at others. Examples of healthier coping mechanisms might be turning to others for sympathy and/or assistance and using your yoga practice to support you through your grieving process. 

That made me think of this story about using yoga for grief that one of our readers, Karen, a yoga teacher who has been practicing since the 1970s, sent me. What I particularly like about this story is how intuitive she was about practicing what was helpful to her on a particular day, for a particular loss.  

“While I was in the middle of a Yoga Teacher Training (YTT) program, one of my uncles died. I think he had been a long time sufferer of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, stemming from his tour of duty in Vietnam in the 1960's. He had served as an officer in the US Army, Supply Corps, and was attached to the 101st Airborne Division, tasked with delivering food and supplies to the troops in the field. It marked his psyche, and he probably never got adequate help during his life. 

When I learned of his demise, I was quite naturally, devastated. Because I was in the middle of my YTT program I was obligated to practice daily for an hour at a time. The day I received the news, I went to my improvised home studio, rolled out my mat, put on some quiet, wordless music and sat in Sukasana. Probably for 20 minutes. Then, because I could not sit upright any longer, I straightened out my legs, inhaled and hinged from the hips into Pashimotasana. I stayed in Pashimotasana for probably another 20 minutes, just listening to my breath and the strains of the music I had chosen, which was probably one of Steven Halpern's music for Chakras and healing. Finally, feeling the need to move into another posture, I lay down on my back, into Savasana. When my hour practice was done, I felt much calmer, and more able to greet the challenges of ordinary life with some measure of equanimity.” 

Thank you, Karen, for this contribution!

Do you know what your coping mechanisms are? I spent some time during the week considering my own. When suffering from grief or loss, I tend to turn to my husband and close friends for comfort, to take walks to turn my attention outward, to write about my experiences (both fiction and non-fiction), and to do yoga practices that calm me, especially supported inverted poses, mindful asana practices, and calming breath practices. In fact, I think the main reason I’m still so committed to yoga after all these years is that yoga provides me with a healthy coping mechanism for dealing with all kinds of difficulty. 

How about you? If you don't know yet, take some time to observe yourself. Observing your behavior patterns regarding grief and loss is a form of svadhyaya (self study), one of the niyamas that are the second branch of yoga. See The Power of Svadhyaya (Self Study), Part 1 for information.

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